I've wished for a lot of things in my life. I, along with countless others, find myself often wishing to be independently wealthy so I can live my life completely free. More often I find myself wishing the EMS/Paramedic system were something I could continue to grow in, excel in, to the point of flight medic in a medical helicopter. I wish that being born with epilepsy wouldn't have put all my work in the EMS world to a screeching hault. What's more, I used to wish that wishes could eventually come true.
It's been rough times for many people I know lately. I've seen too many scarred hearts full of nothing but wishing. For all the wishing, there's a whole lot of nothing happening. I know what you're probably thinking. This is going to be a "Poor me, this is how much I hate my life because of Epilepsy" or some similar point. That's not the case.
Thankfully, adversity throughout my life has taught me one thing. Wishing for something does nothing. It is now more than ever I realize that while many of us are wasting our time wishing, there are so many more people who are busy busting their asses to create the change they want and need in their lives. Wishing is energy wasted. Working is energy transformed into change. It's easier for us to sit and wish about things, because that requires no effort.
I have a challenge in my life. Of course it breaks my heart that I'll never be a flight medic, and probably never be on an ambulance again due to issues resurfacing from being born an Epileptic. Instead of using that heartache to feed into a pool of self pity, I'm using the energy to fuel the fire within. All I needed was a little regrouping. My passion remains in the world of public safety and emergency medicine. I can still be a very integral part of that world.
I'm 31 years old, and even though it scares me to death, I'm starting over. I'm going to college for the first time since high school. I'm going to get my degree as a registered nurse, and I'm going straight to work in an emergency room as soon as I graduate! All of my EMT, EMS Instructor, and CPR courses were all private classes focused on that certification alone. No college credit is accrued. I'm truly stepping into the unknown. At first I was scared, especially being at this age and going at it all by myself. As I complete each step necessary to get closer to that first day of classes, my fear is turning into ambition. What was once fear is now a burning desire to tackle this, give it my all, and become a fucking amazing nurse.
I can't wait to be saving lives again. It's where I belong. I know this won't happen overnight. I've got two and a half years ahead of me before I'm ready for a Trauma One level emergency room. Instead of being a rush to get through it, I'm going to make this time in school the experience of a lifetime and embrace it. After all, these two and a half years are shaping the rest of my life. No more wishing for things. It's time say "fuck you" to adversity and WORK to make good things happen out of what was a disheartening situation. I can't wait for the rest of my life, and the lives of others I'll impact along the way.
