Agent Jared Francom of Ogden City Police was killed last night in the line of duty. I watched the breaking news in awe of the tragic situation unfolding. First reports of one officer down, then three, with a final total of six officers shot. The only thing my mind and heart could focus on last night was hope. Hope that these officers would recover. Hope that these officers wouldn't be another statistic of a man lost while protecting his community. Hope that these officers would be able to go home to their families once again. Unfortunately, my hope did little to help. Agent Francom has a wife and two children that will never see him come home again. The very thought haunts my heart, and I'm trying to understand this strong sense of loss for a man and family I've never met.
Having worked as an EMT, I became very close with many of my public safety colleagues. This includes law enforcement, fire, as well as EMS. Somehow a bond is forged that isn't really easy to explain. We all work together, side by side, to protect our communities. Some of these colleagues have become close and personal friends of mine. Others I am simply proud to work alongside. We protect each other, help each other, and in a sense become a family. I was asked why the loss of an officer I never met can bring me to tears, but losing a patient I've never met on a scene or watching the news of a person in my city that lost their life doesn't cause the same effect. This isn't easy to explain, but I must attempt, not only to explain it to others, but to fully understand it myself.
In the public safety world, death is something you have to learn to deal with, or it will destroy you. The term "Professional Detachment" is one of the VERY first things taught when training to work in this field. We have to learn to separate ourselves emotionally from the people we help and sometimes cannot save. Everybody has their "buttons" however, that will always pass around that wall of professional detachment. For most that I've worked with in public safety, the most common cases you'll be told is when you have to respond to an incident involving illness, injury, or death of a child. That is true for myself as well. It's just harder to accept with children. On that same token, the words "officer down" are a powerful venom I never want to hear. My heart skips a beat, and I can't help but feel as if one of my own family has fallen. I went to bed last night, having watched the news and thinking about all the information they were able to deliver at that time. I fell asleep knowing that all were still alive at that time, hoping with everything inside me that all would be alive and stable when I woke.
While I slept, I had one of the most vivid and realistic nightmares I've ever had. That is quite a statement, as I am rarely able to remember dreams for longer than five minutes after I wake, let alone every vivid detail from beginning to end. In this nightmare, I was on the scene of the incident. An officer went down, myself and a police officer pulled him away from the scene in a safe area, and left him in the protection of colleagues. Myself and a police officer then looked at each other and knew that time was a factor. We got in a police car, left the scene and hauled ass to the injured officer's personal home. We entered the home, and explained that there wasn't much time left. She needed to come with us to talk to her husband one last time. There were children of the officer in the house, but they weren't allowed to come. We hurried to the police car to get her to her husband, but she stopped us for a moment. She ran back into the house, to get something. An object that fit in one of her hands. I couldn't see clearly what it was, but she simply explained it was the world to their relationship, and she wanted it there with her while she said goodbye. We got in the car, and rushed to the scene. That's when I woke up, almost in tears. I woke up to find out that my nightmare, in the most important sense of the story, had come true. Agent Francom passed shortly after midnight.
I shed tears for this man, and his family, whom I've never met. I thought to myself "Why?", and realized that single word was questioning so many things. Why was this violence necessary? Why should a man fall over petty drugs? Even more shocking to me, is the question I found circling my mind the most. "Why can't I fix this?", which is a question that has no business being in my mind. Logically, this situation is none of my business. I wasn't involved in that agency, I wasn't an EMT responding to that situation, I didn't know the officers injured. Why would I feel a sense of being powerless, as if I could have in the first place? Unfortunately, I cannot answer that question. I don't think there is an answer.
Some of you who read this will be my colleagues in public safety, some of you will be friends who support and respect our work, and some of you will be amongst the group of people who are quick to say "Fuck the cops!" and call them pigs. If you are one of these people, it is reasonable to assume that you have been in some sort of legal trouble at one point in your life, or simply given a speeding ticket that you really didn't want. I've been one of those people, I have a blemished past. I've been arrested before, because I made mistakes. But, before you switch to hatred of these men and women who are simply doing their jobs please remember one very important thing. All of your past put aside, whether good or bad, these people have and will lay down their lives to protect you. Unfortunately, few people recognize this form of selflessness. Even fewer show their gratitude for it.
I am thankful for the bravery Agent Francom and every other law enforcement officer show to put on that uniform and protect us every day. I am so disheartened by the loss. I hope you are too...
As explained in prior blog posts, I will often attach a song to go with a particular post that has given meaning or enabled reflection into the subject matter. In this case, this song may surprise many of you. However, please understand that the so called "soundtrack" selection is a reflection of how my mind and emotions are processing the subject matter, and that the lyrics, and music itself are relevant for me.
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