Just like the cycle of sunrise and sunset, I've noticed that my life has a tendency to repeat patterns. There's more than one pattern in my life, not all are bad either. However the main pattern in which I speak is the one effecting me more intensely than the prior rotation. Unfortunately, every time the pattern repeats itself, that statement remains true.
The pattern of which I speak is that of moving into a position of stability & self sufficiency. I remain there for a while. I develop some, make progress here and there, and learn some things during that time as well. The problem is that, in looking back, I'll suddenly find the situation stagnant, boring, or otherwise unsatisfactory. It's never really a conscious decision, but more subconscious that builds over time until I just keep thinking "Fuck it." in my mind and the smallest issue can cause me to abandon ship. Whether that be letting my performance go at a job, or spending too much time at the bars drinking and being the social party butterfly. This ultimately effects my performance at work, my overall energy to stay on top of the usual errands and chores such as paying bills on time, grocery shopping, etc. This eventually leads to the peak of the pattern, and I am no longer self sufficient. Usually unemployed, and switching from stable and self sufficient to survival mode. Had I not the most amazing friends to ever walk this earth, I would have lost the ability to keep my head above water long ago. Unfortunately, this continuation of the pattern bringing me to square one time and again has left me with little more than a bedroom, some clothes, etc. In other words, moving is very easy as I only own items that go in the bedroom. Bed, desk, clothes, nightstand, TV, etc. I have no savings account, and so every time I get back on my own two feet, I must live paycheck to paycheck because I'm using my money not only to live on in the moment, but also to pay for mistakes in the past and get "caught up".
However, there is a silver lining to the darkly clouded pattern. Every time the cycle repeats, I learn more than I did the last time. I retain more knowledge and experience than I did the last time. I get myself a little further along in the pattern, and stay self sufficient longer than the prior pattern. This last cycle has been especially amazing. I completed certification as an EMT-Intermediate (one level below Paramedic), achieved EMS Instructor certification, and joined the ranks of the Utah Emergency Medical Reserve Corps. I maintained a job at an ambulance agency that was perfect for the initial development of my career. Covering 900 square miles, I was exposed to an amazing range of calls from a vast array of medical calls, full cardiac arrests, rollovers galore, trauma 1, and even special event standby for races in the desert as well on the salt flats. Achieving the educational levels that I have, it has opened a VAST array of doors for me, all going in so many directions. Anything I want to do is within my grasp now.
Along with my professional development, I've done incredible amounts of soul searching. I've discovered more about myself in the past year than I can believe. I identified some emotional problems, and have taken steps to fix them. I am more happy and comfortable with myself than I have EVER been. It's an incredible thing the be handed a challenging situation in life and finally have the frame of mind to see this hurdle as a challenge to rise to and conquer. Before I would dwell on my failures and would find a way to attempt to avoid my problems, as if that could ever be successful. I used to have to deal with consistent feelings of loneliness and emptiness because I've never been in a relationship. If you read back in my prior posts that I transferred from Facebook, you'll understand. Now I'm happy being single, and developing ME into a constantly better person. When it's time for me to share who I am with somebody, and have them share themselves with me, it will find me. It will be right. I can't just search because I want.
This current peak of the pattern where everything falls apart, as previously stated, has been the worst one yet. I'm still trying to survive, but have worked hard to get things together. After MUCH challenge to me both mentally and physically, things are finally starting to fall into place! It's as if the puzzle pieces just started to fall into place on their own once I provided all the right elements. New job that pays quite well, new house downtown where I belong, new college opportunities so I can further my medical career.
Here is the challenge. At some point in life, this pattern can't be allowed to continue to repeat or it will destroy me. I now realize that I have to work harder than ever to maintain the MANY opportunities and blessings that have been sent my way. My goal is to NEVER let this pattern repeat. 2011 is almost to a close, and 2012 brings a new beacon of hope and opportunity. As my good friend Chris has labeled it, 2012 is the year of DO. He is exactly right.
I must give special thanks to those of you who have been the glue keeping me together over the last two months. Had I not friends of your caliber, I would have long ago failed.
As most of my friends know, music means a great deal to me. I tend to have a different playlist handy for just about any mood or necessity, including several playlists that help in the soul searching process. I like to think of my music collection as the soundtrack to my life. To that effect, if a particular song I'm listening to while I write has been a part of my soul searching, I will share it with you. Below is the first of many to come. Enjoy it, and make 2012 your year of success, your year of growth, your year of DO!
Friday, December 30, 2011
Monday, December 26, 2011
So it begins!
Welcome to my first original post on my very first personal blog. As you've already read by the description, I'm utilizing this as a tool to look at the past, take an objective look at the present, so I can make choices in the future that will help me on the path to becoming the man I want to be. To that effect, I've posted all the "notes" I had written on Facebook over the last several years. They will help to give insight into my maturity level and state of mind accordingly.
I can honestly say that I've matured and grown more in the past year than I ever have before. Lately I'm looking at the world through a whole new perspective, able to see the big picture more clearly, and think more about my choices before I make them. Having said that, I've also found myself repeating old patterns of behavior when I get frustrated, upset, or depressed. Today, I'm living through one of the most difficult times of my life. However, I can't help but notice the lessons I am learning from this experience.
I am learning to see the ever higher hurdles as challenges to rise against, instead of falling back in retreat. I'm finding the harder I work to make it over these hurdles, the more confident I feel about myself, and the more I look forward to facing the following day. It's not always easy, and I have had the thought "This couldn't possibly get any worse." countless times, right before it gets worse. I've almost given up several times. Had it not been for my incredible mother, and the most amazing circle of friends to ever walk the earth, I just might have given up. I am fortunate in that respect.
From this day forward, my posts will contain the events (and adventures) that are significant to me in some way, unique thoughts and concepts running through my mind, or even just a tool to release some of the intense emotions I tend to feel. This will be a healthy way to put it down, get it outside of myself, and share a large part of who I am with anybody who cares to know. This blog will contain thoughts and opinions that even those who know me closest might not know are within me. This is a new way for me to look at myself, and you to understand more about me.
Welcome to my Colorful Shades of Grey...
I can honestly say that I've matured and grown more in the past year than I ever have before. Lately I'm looking at the world through a whole new perspective, able to see the big picture more clearly, and think more about my choices before I make them. Having said that, I've also found myself repeating old patterns of behavior when I get frustrated, upset, or depressed. Today, I'm living through one of the most difficult times of my life. However, I can't help but notice the lessons I am learning from this experience.
I am learning to see the ever higher hurdles as challenges to rise against, instead of falling back in retreat. I'm finding the harder I work to make it over these hurdles, the more confident I feel about myself, and the more I look forward to facing the following day. It's not always easy, and I have had the thought "This couldn't possibly get any worse." countless times, right before it gets worse. I've almost given up several times. Had it not been for my incredible mother, and the most amazing circle of friends to ever walk the earth, I just might have given up. I am fortunate in that respect.
From this day forward, my posts will contain the events (and adventures) that are significant to me in some way, unique thoughts and concepts running through my mind, or even just a tool to release some of the intense emotions I tend to feel. This will be a healthy way to put it down, get it outside of myself, and share a large part of who I am with anybody who cares to know. This blog will contain thoughts and opinions that even those who know me closest might not know are within me. This is a new way for me to look at myself, and you to understand more about me.
Welcome to my Colorful Shades of Grey...
"Life" at 1:15, "Death" at 2:33...
Originally posted Sunday, June 26, 2011
* Please see notes at end of letter for reference info *
Today I dissected the true meaning of the words "life" and "death" as I watched the two extremes crash and tumble into each other like two gray clouds right before a rain storm. They both drenched and almost drowned me with profound emotions. EXCITEMENT: "I can do this. I can save her!" FEAR: "But what if I can't?" HOPE: "She's strong - she'll pull through!" DESPAIR: "Come on, don't give up." HELPLESSNESS: "She's a DNR. Just keep her comfortable." "But how can I just sit back and watch?" SADNESS: "Look at her. She's gasping for air. She knows she's dying, she said it. 'It's okay, Marie, we are here with you.'" ANGER: "Why couldn't I save her? It's almost unbearable."
It all happened so quickly. "Life" at 1:15. "Death" at 2:33. Quite honestly, I had believed I could work on a million arrests and feel okay if I didn't save a life, but nothing compares to what I watched today. "Life" slipped right through my fingertips, right before my eyes - ever so slowly - and I could do nothing about it. Those were her wishes, and I have to respect that. The irony is that those would be my wishes as well.
Today I realize something I probably already knew, but couldn't quite believe. . .and that is, I really, really love my job. I cried today, for a lot of reasons. I learned that although I came into this profession to save lives, I cannot save them all. I learned to put my beliefs aside and not pass judgement. Ethics, how relevant is that? Extremely! I learned how to appreciate "life". It's borrowed; it isn't ours to keep. And I learned to respect "death." It comes upon you, ready or not. It isn't your call to make.
Tomorrow starts a new chapter in my personal and professional life. I may never be able to fully dissect the true meanings of "life" and "death," but I want to learn from today's experiences and every new one to come. I am grateful for this experience, as bittersweet as it may be. For now I tell myself, "So, go on. There are more lives to save. . .or not."
** This is a submission to the Journal Of Emergency Nursing from Emergency Nurse Vaneeza Gonzalez, RN, in Reading PA. This letter struck a chord with me, and has touched close with several of my experiences. I am sharing it with all of you for the very same reason. Those of you who are tagged in this article are EMS, Fire, Police & other public safety colleagues I've had the privilege to know and work with.**
Today I dissected the true meaning of the words "life" and "death" as I watched the two extremes crash and tumble into each other like two gray clouds right before a rain storm. They both drenched and almost drowned me with profound emotions. EXCITEMENT: "I can do this. I can save her!" FEAR: "But what if I can't?" HOPE: "She's strong - she'll pull through!" DESPAIR: "Come on, don't give up." HELPLESSNESS: "She's a DNR. Just keep her comfortable." "But how can I just sit back and watch?" SADNESS: "Look at her. She's gasping for air. She knows she's dying, she said it. 'It's okay, Marie, we are here with you.'" ANGER: "Why couldn't I save her? It's almost unbearable."
It all happened so quickly. "Life" at 1:15. "Death" at 2:33. Quite honestly, I had believed I could work on a million arrests and feel okay if I didn't save a life, but nothing compares to what I watched today. "Life" slipped right through my fingertips, right before my eyes - ever so slowly - and I could do nothing about it. Those were her wishes, and I have to respect that. The irony is that those would be my wishes as well.
Today I realize something I probably already knew, but couldn't quite believe. . .and that is, I really, really love my job. I cried today, for a lot of reasons. I learned that although I came into this profession to save lives, I cannot save them all. I learned to put my beliefs aside and not pass judgement. Ethics, how relevant is that? Extremely! I learned how to appreciate "life". It's borrowed; it isn't ours to keep. And I learned to respect "death." It comes upon you, ready or not. It isn't your call to make.
Tomorrow starts a new chapter in my personal and professional life. I may never be able to fully dissect the true meanings of "life" and "death," but I want to learn from today's experiences and every new one to come. I am grateful for this experience, as bittersweet as it may be. For now I tell myself, "So, go on. There are more lives to save. . .or not."
** This is a submission to the Journal Of Emergency Nursing from Emergency Nurse Vaneeza Gonzalez, RN, in Reading PA. This letter struck a chord with me, and has touched close with several of my experiences. I am sharing it with all of you for the very same reason. Those of you who are tagged in this article are EMS, Fire, Police & other public safety colleagues I've had the privilege to know and work with.**
An open message to the LDS Church...
Originally published Monday, October 4, 2010
I realize that I will probably offend many with these words, and possibly even damage a couple of friendships that I've kept with current members of the LDS church. I don't care, I have to be true to myself and this message has been boiling inside of me and must be shared.
In the wake of recent multiple suicides from rejected and socially tortured gay youth, Boyd K. Packer chose this to be the opportune time to speak. To spread a message of intolerance, bigotry, and blatant stupidity. He made bold and dangerous assumptions that homosexuality is "impure and unnatural" while making claims that, like a disease, this too can be treated and cured. By spreading this message of hatred, he is continuing to fuel the very dangerous and rapidly growing fire that is killing off our overly misunderstood and mistreated gay, bisexual, & transgendered youth.
While I support both freedom of speech and freedom of choice in your personal beliefs, I ALSO support tact, education, understanding, and proper use of freedom of speech. None of the aforementioned were used in the case of the speech made by Mr. Packer. I fear these actions, in combination with the disgusting and unnecessary participation in support the prop 8 hate law, are going to be the sparks that will ignite a major civil war. On one side, an intolerant and mislead organization hellbent on shoving it's beliefs and opinions down everybody's throat whether they ask for it or not. An organization that is closed minded, and will not budge on it's outdated moral beliefs as society continues to evolve around it. On the other side, a people who have had enough. Who will fight for what we believe in to allow equal rights for ALL (even the members of the LDS church). People who aren't threatened by the ways others live their lives, and are willing to allow all to be themselves, and to be happy.
My message to you, The Church Of Latter Day Saints Of Jesus Christ, is this:
Your members misinterpret the purpose and actions of the protest that has been organized in response to this hate speech. One of your members stated " I will NOT protest against my Uncles Dad, sorry. Hope your walk around the church office building makes you feel better as all the brethren will be home by that time."
What your misguided church member failed to realize, as many of you do, is that it's not a "walk around the church office" nor is it intended to be seen personally by the "brethren" at the office. You are so shallow and naive that you fail to see that it is a display of unification, standing up against hatred and intolerance spread by your HORRIBLE excuse for a church. You claim to be christians, meaning you are "christ like" - but I see no forgiveness, understanding, or compassion in your words or your actions. You FAIL at being "christ like", and at being good & humane people. However, I forgive you for that as you do not know better due to the constant brainwashings and misguided teachings from your church today, and from those who taught the same lessons before you.
I challenge you to be more tolerant. I challenge you to actually show compassion and understanding to these tortured youth. You may not have to understand their sexuality, but you can definitely play a role in helping them feel less hated. I challenge you to allow others outside of your belief system to be happy, even if their beliefs do not coincide with yours. I challenge you to ACTUALLY be the "christ like" organization you claim to be.
You decide. Is this the beginning of a civil war, fueled by your hatred and intolerance? Is this the time where you rise to the challenge in order to grow into a better organization and better people as a whole? Only your actions will tell, but sadly enough - I think we all know the answer to those questions.
I realize that I will probably offend many with these words, and possibly even damage a couple of friendships that I've kept with current members of the LDS church. I don't care, I have to be true to myself and this message has been boiling inside of me and must be shared.
In the wake of recent multiple suicides from rejected and socially tortured gay youth, Boyd K. Packer chose this to be the opportune time to speak. To spread a message of intolerance, bigotry, and blatant stupidity. He made bold and dangerous assumptions that homosexuality is "impure and unnatural" while making claims that, like a disease, this too can be treated and cured. By spreading this message of hatred, he is continuing to fuel the very dangerous and rapidly growing fire that is killing off our overly misunderstood and mistreated gay, bisexual, & transgendered youth.
While I support both freedom of speech and freedom of choice in your personal beliefs, I ALSO support tact, education, understanding, and proper use of freedom of speech. None of the aforementioned were used in the case of the speech made by Mr. Packer. I fear these actions, in combination with the disgusting and unnecessary participation in support the prop 8 hate law, are going to be the sparks that will ignite a major civil war. On one side, an intolerant and mislead organization hellbent on shoving it's beliefs and opinions down everybody's throat whether they ask for it or not. An organization that is closed minded, and will not budge on it's outdated moral beliefs as society continues to evolve around it. On the other side, a people who have had enough. Who will fight for what we believe in to allow equal rights for ALL (even the members of the LDS church). People who aren't threatened by the ways others live their lives, and are willing to allow all to be themselves, and to be happy.
My message to you, The Church Of Latter Day Saints Of Jesus Christ, is this:
Your members misinterpret the purpose and actions of the protest that has been organized in response to this hate speech. One of your members stated " I will NOT protest against my Uncles Dad, sorry. Hope your walk around the church office building makes you feel better as all the brethren will be home by that time."
What your misguided church member failed to realize, as many of you do, is that it's not a "walk around the church office" nor is it intended to be seen personally by the "brethren" at the office. You are so shallow and naive that you fail to see that it is a display of unification, standing up against hatred and intolerance spread by your HORRIBLE excuse for a church. You claim to be christians, meaning you are "christ like" - but I see no forgiveness, understanding, or compassion in your words or your actions. You FAIL at being "christ like", and at being good & humane people. However, I forgive you for that as you do not know better due to the constant brainwashings and misguided teachings from your church today, and from those who taught the same lessons before you.
I challenge you to be more tolerant. I challenge you to actually show compassion and understanding to these tortured youth. You may not have to understand their sexuality, but you can definitely play a role in helping them feel less hated. I challenge you to allow others outside of your belief system to be happy, even if their beliefs do not coincide with yours. I challenge you to ACTUALLY be the "christ like" organization you claim to be.
You decide. Is this the beginning of a civil war, fueled by your hatred and intolerance? Is this the time where you rise to the challenge in order to grow into a better organization and better people as a whole? Only your actions will tell, but sadly enough - I think we all know the answer to those questions.
To actually understand what it is to take something for granted...
Originally published Monday, June 14, 2010
You hear the warnings all the time. "Don't take this for granted" they'll say to you. You'll nod in agreement and believe wholeheartedly within yourself that you are accepting and taking to heart good advice from a good friend. What you can't realize until it's too late, is that you can't heed that advice or even understand it's concept because you are already taking what you have for granted.
This is true for myself as well, in regards to Salt Lake City and my life within it. Even now there is a great ambivalence that tears my heart in two. I was so excited to get out of Salt Lake City, to experience ANYthing else. I was so heartbroken and had just given up on the gay community in Utah. Convinced that I could not fall in love if I stayed in SLC, I took the first opportunity to escape and continue my medic education elsewhere. I was overjoyed to start the transition to a life outside of Utah. However, the transition period (15 months) before reaching Denver, my final destination, has become my own personalized form of torture.
You can never really appreciate what you have until it's gone. This has always been truth, yet sadly I'm just realizing the wisdom within this truth. Without a second thought, I packed up and left Salt Lake City. In coming back this last two weeks, I was greeted with warmth, love, and genuine happiness that I had returned. I've never felt more loved in all my life. I realize now more than ever the totality of how amazing my friendships are in Salt Lake City. But do I give up and retreat to familiar territory and risk never being able to experience life outside of my safety bubble? I STILL feel that if I were to return to Salt Lake City - I'll remain alone and lonely as far as any love life is concerned. Sure, I'll be on top of the word in every other aspect but my clock is ticking and time is running out. It's time for me to settle down and fall in love. If my biggest fear comes true, and I do indeed die without ever falling in love, then I will have lived a life that is only half of what it could and should have been. Do I need another person to complete me? Absolutely not. I need to share who and what I am with another person, completely and wholeheartedly. I need them to share that which is everything they are with me. A true companion in life.
But what to do?
I would like to say thank you, and I love you to all of my friends in SLC. I had one of the most amazing and eye opening experiences over the last couple of weeks, and I have learned something from all of you. And, needless to say, I had a blast with all of you. Such an amazing week for me!
Now I'm left with a fork in the road. Do I ride this out and try to get to Denver as quickly as possible? Or do I return to SLC, where my friends, my business opportunities, and where my foundation is?
I've never been so conflicted in my life...
You hear the warnings all the time. "Don't take this for granted" they'll say to you. You'll nod in agreement and believe wholeheartedly within yourself that you are accepting and taking to heart good advice from a good friend. What you can't realize until it's too late, is that you can't heed that advice or even understand it's concept because you are already taking what you have for granted.
This is true for myself as well, in regards to Salt Lake City and my life within it. Even now there is a great ambivalence that tears my heart in two. I was so excited to get out of Salt Lake City, to experience ANYthing else. I was so heartbroken and had just given up on the gay community in Utah. Convinced that I could not fall in love if I stayed in SLC, I took the first opportunity to escape and continue my medic education elsewhere. I was overjoyed to start the transition to a life outside of Utah. However, the transition period (15 months) before reaching Denver, my final destination, has become my own personalized form of torture.
You can never really appreciate what you have until it's gone. This has always been truth, yet sadly I'm just realizing the wisdom within this truth. Without a second thought, I packed up and left Salt Lake City. In coming back this last two weeks, I was greeted with warmth, love, and genuine happiness that I had returned. I've never felt more loved in all my life. I realize now more than ever the totality of how amazing my friendships are in Salt Lake City. But do I give up and retreat to familiar territory and risk never being able to experience life outside of my safety bubble? I STILL feel that if I were to return to Salt Lake City - I'll remain alone and lonely as far as any love life is concerned. Sure, I'll be on top of the word in every other aspect but my clock is ticking and time is running out. It's time for me to settle down and fall in love. If my biggest fear comes true, and I do indeed die without ever falling in love, then I will have lived a life that is only half of what it could and should have been. Do I need another person to complete me? Absolutely not. I need to share who and what I am with another person, completely and wholeheartedly. I need them to share that which is everything they are with me. A true companion in life.
But what to do?
I would like to say thank you, and I love you to all of my friends in SLC. I had one of the most amazing and eye opening experiences over the last couple of weeks, and I have learned something from all of you. And, needless to say, I had a blast with all of you. Such an amazing week for me!
Now I'm left with a fork in the road. Do I ride this out and try to get to Denver as quickly as possible? Or do I return to SLC, where my friends, my business opportunities, and where my foundation is?
I've never been so conflicted in my life...
A person is smart. People (AKA: the general public) are fucking stupid. Some do's and don'ts that SHOULD be common sense...
Originally published Sunday, May 31, 2009
Below is a list of items, guidelines really, if you are going to go to a restaurant to eat and be taken care of by a server. A server is one of the most underpaid, and disrespected positions. Period. Here are some simple pointers of proper etiquette that may be easy for you to over look...
The following is a list of things that should NEVER happen:
1.) People who ask for things ONE thing at a time. Servers are busy people. Please know what you want, and ask for it all at once so we don't have to run all over the restaurant for one thing at a time. You are not the only table we are taking care of at that time.
2.) People who don't TIP. EVERYBODY is aware that it is customary to tip in a restaurant. If you don't accept that custom - GO TO MCDONALDS! The great state of Utah thinks that it is acceptable to rely on tips from customers as a part of our wage, so we are only paid $2.13 an hour. If somebody stiffs me at one of my tables, it actually COSTS me money to serve you, because tip share is taken out of our sales totals - not our tips. Customary tip is 15 to 18% of your total bill (BEFORE coupons, discounts, gift cards, etc). Tip on the TOTAL amount of the bill. If you are only going to tip 2 or 3 dollars on a 100 dollar check - you don't belong in public, you belong in a drive thru.
3.) People who don't recognize that you're a human, and seem to forget simple manners like "please" and "thank you" when i'm running my ass all over a restaurant and fighting with the cooks to give you exactly what you want. There is no way in hell $2.13 an hour makes me your servant. Which leads me to my next point:
4.) Don't EVER snap your fingers or any similar gesture at me or any other server. "Excuse me" or the name printed on my name tag are acceptable ways of getting my attention. Also: Don't ever interrupt and talk to a server WHILE they are talking to another one of their tables (believe me - it happens). You are not the only important table in the restaurant. You will have your turn.
5.) If you're going to camp at the table and stay for hours - tip accordingly. All the time you linger there is costing me money if I can't seat the table in a normal rotation. I'm limited to a certain section of tables. If I have a 3 table section, and you sit and chit chat for 3 hours - i'm only making money on a two table section. If you don't tip accordingly for the time you're occupying my table, then please leave when you're done with your meal and chit chat at a coffee shop, where loitering is acceptable.
6.) If you get your food discounted or paid for entirely because of either a coupon or because the kitchen took too long or something - tip on the total of the full menu price, NOT what the discounted total is.
7.) If you have children, PLEASE for the love of god know how to control them in a restaurant. DO NOT let them run around my section/restaurant - they stay at the table with you. period. This is also a good time to teach them manners, how to use proper tone of voice in public, and how to clean up after themselves. I HATE sweeping your offspring's macaroni and cheese out of the carpet. Be responsible for the actions of your children, or wait until they are old enough to handle a dinner table before taking them to anything other than Wendy's for chicken nuggets. I do NOT get paid enough to cater to children.
8.) Don't ask me to sing for your birthday. I don't know you, and I don't care how old you are. Happy fucking birthday - but I'm not singing a birthday song. That takes valuable time from myself AND other servers. Your family can sing.
9.) If I'm not doing something as fast as you want it done, think about a few things before you have a temper tantrum. A.) Most of the food comes from the kitchen which is out of my control. I do NOT make the food, and so I have to rely on other people to effectively serve your table. B.) Sometimes you'll ask for something that needs to be restocked. If your water takes a little longer because I had to go back to the fridge to get the lemons you asked for - don't fucking whine. C.) Sometimes mistakes happen, and it takes time to correct them but just about ANY restaurant will bend over backwards to take care of it and rectify the mistake. Don't toss your nose up in the air and pout like a whiny little spoiled bitch. There isn't a single one of you who could work in the kitchen or as a server and maintain perfect service all the time. Shit happens. Deal with it, your make your own dinner.
10.) If you don't tip a server because of something that went wrong in the kitchen or was otherwise out of the server's control - you should be euthanized, and have no business being in public.
11.) When a server comes to your table, please pause your conversation and allow me to quickly take your order. It is NOT my job to stand around and wait for your relief society to finish so I can get your drinks started. On that same note - if you are sat and on the cell phone, I will not greet the table or take your order until you are off your cell phone, period.
12.) When a server walks to the table and starts to introduce themselves and say their name - DO NOT interrupt and bark out your order before I can even say my name. I am NOT some subservient errand bitch to take orders at your command. You will have proper manners and treat me like a person or you will get just the bare minimum of service required to follow the guidelines of doing my job. I will go out of my way to do nothing nice for you.
13.) This one isn't as bad, but still annoying. Don't ever ask a server "is this good?". Duh. Restaurants make menus of EVERYTHING they think is good, with a variety of items for different tastes for different people. Restaurants never have a "tastes like shit" section on a menu. Common sense. This is all a matter of opinion and taste. Always feel free to ask a server for recommendations or what we like on the menu but please spare the stupid questions.
14.) If you want a drink refill, ask me. DO NOT shake a glass at me without even making eye contact. I'm not a mind reader and I'm not deaf. Use your big boy words.
15.) If you are on a large party of 8 or more - some things you should consider. Large party service is difficult, so a few minor things to help makes life simpler for everybody. If you are doing split checks, that is fine - BUT NO MUSICAL CHAIRS. One your order is placed, your bill is tracked based on where you are sitting. If you move around - everything is screwed up and it could take forever to cash you out. If there are a few separate checks with a few people on each, no problem - its very simple. Please just try and sit in groups or clusters. Always helps. When your servers greet the table - please stop and listen, we will not talk over you. I will stop and wait for you to finish.
I've vented enough for now - but sadly enough, I could go on.
Please remember, if you can't follow these guidelines, don't go into public. Or at least stay to what's better suited to your needs. You can always have it your way at Burger King, AND you don't have to tip!
xoxo
Below is a list of items, guidelines really, if you are going to go to a restaurant to eat and be taken care of by a server. A server is one of the most underpaid, and disrespected positions. Period. Here are some simple pointers of proper etiquette that may be easy for you to over look...
The following is a list of things that should NEVER happen:
1.) People who ask for things ONE thing at a time. Servers are busy people. Please know what you want, and ask for it all at once so we don't have to run all over the restaurant for one thing at a time. You are not the only table we are taking care of at that time.
2.) People who don't TIP. EVERYBODY is aware that it is customary to tip in a restaurant. If you don't accept that custom - GO TO MCDONALDS! The great state of Utah thinks that it is acceptable to rely on tips from customers as a part of our wage, so we are only paid $2.13 an hour. If somebody stiffs me at one of my tables, it actually COSTS me money to serve you, because tip share is taken out of our sales totals - not our tips. Customary tip is 15 to 18% of your total bill (BEFORE coupons, discounts, gift cards, etc). Tip on the TOTAL amount of the bill. If you are only going to tip 2 or 3 dollars on a 100 dollar check - you don't belong in public, you belong in a drive thru.
3.) People who don't recognize that you're a human, and seem to forget simple manners like "please" and "thank you" when i'm running my ass all over a restaurant and fighting with the cooks to give you exactly what you want. There is no way in hell $2.13 an hour makes me your servant. Which leads me to my next point:
4.) Don't EVER snap your fingers or any similar gesture at me or any other server. "Excuse me" or the name printed on my name tag are acceptable ways of getting my attention. Also: Don't ever interrupt and talk to a server WHILE they are talking to another one of their tables (believe me - it happens). You are not the only important table in the restaurant. You will have your turn.
5.) If you're going to camp at the table and stay for hours - tip accordingly. All the time you linger there is costing me money if I can't seat the table in a normal rotation. I'm limited to a certain section of tables. If I have a 3 table section, and you sit and chit chat for 3 hours - i'm only making money on a two table section. If you don't tip accordingly for the time you're occupying my table, then please leave when you're done with your meal and chit chat at a coffee shop, where loitering is acceptable.
6.) If you get your food discounted or paid for entirely because of either a coupon or because the kitchen took too long or something - tip on the total of the full menu price, NOT what the discounted total is.
7.) If you have children, PLEASE for the love of god know how to control them in a restaurant. DO NOT let them run around my section/restaurant - they stay at the table with you. period. This is also a good time to teach them manners, how to use proper tone of voice in public, and how to clean up after themselves. I HATE sweeping your offspring's macaroni and cheese out of the carpet. Be responsible for the actions of your children, or wait until they are old enough to handle a dinner table before taking them to anything other than Wendy's for chicken nuggets. I do NOT get paid enough to cater to children.
8.) Don't ask me to sing for your birthday. I don't know you, and I don't care how old you are. Happy fucking birthday - but I'm not singing a birthday song. That takes valuable time from myself AND other servers. Your family can sing.
9.) If I'm not doing something as fast as you want it done, think about a few things before you have a temper tantrum. A.) Most of the food comes from the kitchen which is out of my control. I do NOT make the food, and so I have to rely on other people to effectively serve your table. B.) Sometimes you'll ask for something that needs to be restocked. If your water takes a little longer because I had to go back to the fridge to get the lemons you asked for - don't fucking whine. C.) Sometimes mistakes happen, and it takes time to correct them but just about ANY restaurant will bend over backwards to take care of it and rectify the mistake. Don't toss your nose up in the air and pout like a whiny little spoiled bitch. There isn't a single one of you who could work in the kitchen or as a server and maintain perfect service all the time. Shit happens. Deal with it, your make your own dinner.
10.) If you don't tip a server because of something that went wrong in the kitchen or was otherwise out of the server's control - you should be euthanized, and have no business being in public.
11.) When a server comes to your table, please pause your conversation and allow me to quickly take your order. It is NOT my job to stand around and wait for your relief society to finish so I can get your drinks started. On that same note - if you are sat and on the cell phone, I will not greet the table or take your order until you are off your cell phone, period.
12.) When a server walks to the table and starts to introduce themselves and say their name - DO NOT interrupt and bark out your order before I can even say my name. I am NOT some subservient errand bitch to take orders at your command. You will have proper manners and treat me like a person or you will get just the bare minimum of service required to follow the guidelines of doing my job. I will go out of my way to do nothing nice for you.
13.) This one isn't as bad, but still annoying. Don't ever ask a server "is this good?". Duh. Restaurants make menus of EVERYTHING they think is good, with a variety of items for different tastes for different people. Restaurants never have a "tastes like shit" section on a menu. Common sense. This is all a matter of opinion and taste. Always feel free to ask a server for recommendations or what we like on the menu but please spare the stupid questions.
14.) If you want a drink refill, ask me. DO NOT shake a glass at me without even making eye contact. I'm not a mind reader and I'm not deaf. Use your big boy words.
15.) If you are on a large party of 8 or more - some things you should consider. Large party service is difficult, so a few minor things to help makes life simpler for everybody. If you are doing split checks, that is fine - BUT NO MUSICAL CHAIRS. One your order is placed, your bill is tracked based on where you are sitting. If you move around - everything is screwed up and it could take forever to cash you out. If there are a few separate checks with a few people on each, no problem - its very simple. Please just try and sit in groups or clusters. Always helps. When your servers greet the table - please stop and listen, we will not talk over you. I will stop and wait for you to finish.
I've vented enough for now - but sadly enough, I could go on.
Please remember, if you can't follow these guidelines, don't go into public. Or at least stay to what's better suited to your needs. You can always have it your way at Burger King, AND you don't have to tip!
xoxo
A heart broken, cut, bruised, and burned - all constant torture from never having been touched.
Originally posted on Monday, March 30, 2009
I posted a statement of absolute truth tonight. Every day burns that painful truth further into my life. "Love, like freedom, is a state of mind. It does not exist, and it never will."
All of my life, since I can remember being attracted to anybody at all, I have always had this inexplicable yet undeniable fear that I will die without ever falling in love. When I was in high school, that was easily dismissible as "just being lonely". After high school, it was just because I lived in the small town of Logan. When I moved to Salt Lake City at 18, it was just because I was "young and having fun". I didn't need to date or settle down then, or so I told myself to make myself feel better.
Every birthday since then has been a reminder, cutting deeper every year. A reminder that this fear is becoming truth. I am now 27 years old. I don't live in fear, I try whenever an opportunity presents itself to be "a normal guy into guys". I'll make a move, ask a guy out on a date, do the common "date" approach that is such a normal thing for most people. The disheartening truth is, nobody has ever really made a move on me. I have to show the interest, and it always turns into "you're nice" and "I'd love to be your friend, because you're such a great person". Never once have I been good enough for somebody to see past the cover of a very unique book.
OK, I get it. I'm not the model gay man. I don't have a six pack, I don't have the perfect cut and dye hair job, i'm not rich, I don't drive a fancy car, I have a very strong personality, I'm not some butch jock. One of the most amazing quotes I have ever heard that rings true to me every day: "Gay men are a bunch of 10's looking for an 11. On a good day, I'm a 6".
I try to blame myself sometimes, convincing myself that it's my fault because of my taste in men. Somehow, most of the men I look at and am initially attracted to usually end up being straight. I bit of hypocricy I know, since I am not the most butch model to come out of the factory, but I just don't end up attracted to alot of really gay men. Not to sound like a biggot, but to me there is a big difference between a gay man and a faggot. I'll explain in detail some other time in another blog when I'm not halfway into a bottle of gin. Needless to say, there are about 90 faggots to every 10 gay men.
Next comes the attempt to blame location, thinking that maybe it's just the gay community in Utah, and that I need to leave to find happiness. WOW - can we say classic attempt to run away from your problems?
The truth now, more than ever, is that it's just me, wherever I go. I have never quite understood what is wrong with me, what makes me so untouchable. Perhaps some people just aren't meant to fall in love in life, that we have a different purpose. I don't know what to think any more. What I do know is the pain that can come from a heart having never been touched is undescribable, unimaginable, and I could never wish it upon anybody.
Another quote, something I believe in with every fiber of my being: "I would rather bleed from cuts of love than live without any scars". Absolute truth. I don't EVER want another person to tell me that I am better off not dealing with a relationship because they're such hard work. Anybody who thinks an intimate relationship is easy and just falls in your lap should euthanize yourself right now, because you don't deserve it.
What hurts the most are those chance encounters. Situations that might have been, that should have been, where I was SO close to a connection. Only to realize that I waited to long to make my feelings known, and now he's moving to california - or only to realize that the interest in me was only reciprocated temporarily in an effort not to hurt my feelings. I think they call this "letting you down easy", when it's really a coward's way of postponing being direct about your feelings, or lack thereof.
One thing is clear. I give up. I accept failure. I am alone, I always have been, and I always will be. The closest thing that I have had and ever will have to love is those idle slutty encounters where I hook up with somebody at a bar and hope to god you still look that good in the morning, if you are even still there. I guess I have no choice but to accept lust over love, since it's all I can get. Such a shame, if anybody ever took the time to get to know me, my heart, and the love I have - they would see so much. Both in me, and in themselves through my eyes.
Cheers to the Broken Hearts Club.
I posted a statement of absolute truth tonight. Every day burns that painful truth further into my life. "Love, like freedom, is a state of mind. It does not exist, and it never will."
All of my life, since I can remember being attracted to anybody at all, I have always had this inexplicable yet undeniable fear that I will die without ever falling in love. When I was in high school, that was easily dismissible as "just being lonely". After high school, it was just because I lived in the small town of Logan. When I moved to Salt Lake City at 18, it was just because I was "young and having fun". I didn't need to date or settle down then, or so I told myself to make myself feel better.
Every birthday since then has been a reminder, cutting deeper every year. A reminder that this fear is becoming truth. I am now 27 years old. I don't live in fear, I try whenever an opportunity presents itself to be "a normal guy into guys". I'll make a move, ask a guy out on a date, do the common "date" approach that is such a normal thing for most people. The disheartening truth is, nobody has ever really made a move on me. I have to show the interest, and it always turns into "you're nice" and "I'd love to be your friend, because you're such a great person". Never once have I been good enough for somebody to see past the cover of a very unique book.
OK, I get it. I'm not the model gay man. I don't have a six pack, I don't have the perfect cut and dye hair job, i'm not rich, I don't drive a fancy car, I have a very strong personality, I'm not some butch jock. One of the most amazing quotes I have ever heard that rings true to me every day: "Gay men are a bunch of 10's looking for an 11. On a good day, I'm a 6".
I try to blame myself sometimes, convincing myself that it's my fault because of my taste in men. Somehow, most of the men I look at and am initially attracted to usually end up being straight. I bit of hypocricy I know, since I am not the most butch model to come out of the factory, but I just don't end up attracted to alot of really gay men. Not to sound like a biggot, but to me there is a big difference between a gay man and a faggot. I'll explain in detail some other time in another blog when I'm not halfway into a bottle of gin. Needless to say, there are about 90 faggots to every 10 gay men.
Next comes the attempt to blame location, thinking that maybe it's just the gay community in Utah, and that I need to leave to find happiness. WOW - can we say classic attempt to run away from your problems?
The truth now, more than ever, is that it's just me, wherever I go. I have never quite understood what is wrong with me, what makes me so untouchable. Perhaps some people just aren't meant to fall in love in life, that we have a different purpose. I don't know what to think any more. What I do know is the pain that can come from a heart having never been touched is undescribable, unimaginable, and I could never wish it upon anybody.
Another quote, something I believe in with every fiber of my being: "I would rather bleed from cuts of love than live without any scars". Absolute truth. I don't EVER want another person to tell me that I am better off not dealing with a relationship because they're such hard work. Anybody who thinks an intimate relationship is easy and just falls in your lap should euthanize yourself right now, because you don't deserve it.
What hurts the most are those chance encounters. Situations that might have been, that should have been, where I was SO close to a connection. Only to realize that I waited to long to make my feelings known, and now he's moving to california - or only to realize that the interest in me was only reciprocated temporarily in an effort not to hurt my feelings. I think they call this "letting you down easy", when it's really a coward's way of postponing being direct about your feelings, or lack thereof.
One thing is clear. I give up. I accept failure. I am alone, I always have been, and I always will be. The closest thing that I have had and ever will have to love is those idle slutty encounters where I hook up with somebody at a bar and hope to god you still look that good in the morning, if you are even still there. I guess I have no choice but to accept lust over love, since it's all I can get. Such a shame, if anybody ever took the time to get to know me, my heart, and the love I have - they would see so much. Both in me, and in themselves through my eyes.
Cheers to the Broken Hearts Club.
Some truths you've always known but refuse to see...
Originally posted Saturday, January 3, 2009
1.) Being a nice and genuine person is outdated. You *will* be judged on the surface, where it counts. The rest is obsolete.
2.) More than half of your social circle as you know it will replace you at any given moment if somebody or something better than you comes along.
3.) Gay people really are trash. After all of these years of pride this and treat us fair that, the stereotype is now more a fact than ever. I apologize if this generalization offends the 1% of the gay population it does not apply to.
4.) Intentions, even though they can be the best of things, are pointless. You *will* be judged based on the perception of others. Something you have no control of no matter how nice you try to be.
5.) Nice guys really do finish last. And that will never change. Ever.
6.) In the gay community, you are only as wonderful as the lack of "competition" around you. You WILL always be replaced for somebody hotter, thinner, and more physically perfect than you. The gays can only see the surface, where it counts.
7.) "You're a wonderful guy" is a great thing to hear, until you hear it so much that you realize that nobody cares about a wonderful guy. They care about how you look, how much money you have, and your status and power. Romance is dead.
8.) The human heart, on an emotional level, is intricate clockwork that can be destroyed forever without ever winding the key...
9.) The decay of western civilization is more eminent than ever, as a person in this day and age can never put anybody above their own selfish desires. No matter how subconscious it is, the soul of people today is more dark and twisted than anybody can ever admit to themselves. You are your own biggest fan, and nobody else comes before yourself. Selfishness and shallowness will be your downfall.
10.) Love, like freedom, is a state of mind. It is not real, it means nothing, and is only within your imagination as a vice to keep you sane.
1.) Being a nice and genuine person is outdated. You *will* be judged on the surface, where it counts. The rest is obsolete.
2.) More than half of your social circle as you know it will replace you at any given moment if somebody or something better than you comes along.
3.) Gay people really are trash. After all of these years of pride this and treat us fair that, the stereotype is now more a fact than ever. I apologize if this generalization offends the 1% of the gay population it does not apply to.
4.) Intentions, even though they can be the best of things, are pointless. You *will* be judged based on the perception of others. Something you have no control of no matter how nice you try to be.
5.) Nice guys really do finish last. And that will never change. Ever.
6.) In the gay community, you are only as wonderful as the lack of "competition" around you. You WILL always be replaced for somebody hotter, thinner, and more physically perfect than you. The gays can only see the surface, where it counts.
7.) "You're a wonderful guy" is a great thing to hear, until you hear it so much that you realize that nobody cares about a wonderful guy. They care about how you look, how much money you have, and your status and power. Romance is dead.
8.) The human heart, on an emotional level, is intricate clockwork that can be destroyed forever without ever winding the key...
9.) The decay of western civilization is more eminent than ever, as a person in this day and age can never put anybody above their own selfish desires. No matter how subconscious it is, the soul of people today is more dark and twisted than anybody can ever admit to themselves. You are your own biggest fan, and nobody else comes before yourself. Selfishness and shallowness will be your downfall.
10.) Love, like freedom, is a state of mind. It is not real, it means nothing, and is only within your imagination as a vice to keep you sane.
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