Originally published Sunday, May 31, 2009
Below is a list of items, guidelines really, if you are going to go to a restaurant to eat and be taken care of by a server. A server is one of the most underpaid, and disrespected positions. Period. Here are some simple pointers of proper etiquette that may be easy for you to over look...
The following is a list of things that should NEVER happen:
1.) People who ask for things ONE thing at a time. Servers are busy people. Please know what you want, and ask for it all at once so we don't have to run all over the restaurant for one thing at a time. You are not the only table we are taking care of at that time.
2.) People who don't TIP. EVERYBODY is aware that it is customary to tip in a restaurant. If you don't accept that custom - GO TO MCDONALDS! The great state of Utah thinks that it is acceptable to rely on tips from customers as a part of our wage, so we are only paid $2.13 an hour. If somebody stiffs me at one of my tables, it actually COSTS me money to serve you, because tip share is taken out of our sales totals - not our tips. Customary tip is 15 to 18% of your total bill (BEFORE coupons, discounts, gift cards, etc). Tip on the TOTAL amount of the bill. If you are only going to tip 2 or 3 dollars on a 100 dollar check - you don't belong in public, you belong in a drive thru.
3.) People who don't recognize that you're a human, and seem to forget simple manners like "please" and "thank you" when i'm running my ass all over a restaurant and fighting with the cooks to give you exactly what you want. There is no way in hell $2.13 an hour makes me your servant. Which leads me to my next point:
4.) Don't EVER snap your fingers or any similar gesture at me or any other server. "Excuse me" or the name printed on my name tag are acceptable ways of getting my attention. Also: Don't ever interrupt and talk to a server WHILE they are talking to another one of their tables (believe me - it happens). You are not the only important table in the restaurant. You will have your turn.
5.) If you're going to camp at the table and stay for hours - tip accordingly. All the time you linger there is costing me money if I can't seat the table in a normal rotation. I'm limited to a certain section of tables. If I have a 3 table section, and you sit and chit chat for 3 hours - i'm only making money on a two table section. If you don't tip accordingly for the time you're occupying my table, then please leave when you're done with your meal and chit chat at a coffee shop, where loitering is acceptable.
6.) If you get your food discounted or paid for entirely because of either a coupon or because the kitchen took too long or something - tip on the total of the full menu price, NOT what the discounted total is.
7.) If you have children, PLEASE for the love of god know how to control them in a restaurant. DO NOT let them run around my section/restaurant - they stay at the table with you. period. This is also a good time to teach them manners, how to use proper tone of voice in public, and how to clean up after themselves. I HATE sweeping your offspring's macaroni and cheese out of the carpet. Be responsible for the actions of your children, or wait until they are old enough to handle a dinner table before taking them to anything other than Wendy's for chicken nuggets. I do NOT get paid enough to cater to children.
8.) Don't ask me to sing for your birthday. I don't know you, and I don't care how old you are. Happy fucking birthday - but I'm not singing a birthday song. That takes valuable time from myself AND other servers. Your family can sing.
9.) If I'm not doing something as fast as you want it done, think about a few things before you have a temper tantrum. A.) Most of the food comes from the kitchen which is out of my control. I do NOT make the food, and so I have to rely on other people to effectively serve your table. B.) Sometimes you'll ask for something that needs to be restocked. If your water takes a little longer because I had to go back to the fridge to get the lemons you asked for - don't fucking whine. C.) Sometimes mistakes happen, and it takes time to correct them but just about ANY restaurant will bend over backwards to take care of it and rectify the mistake. Don't toss your nose up in the air and pout like a whiny little spoiled bitch. There isn't a single one of you who could work in the kitchen or as a server and maintain perfect service all the time. Shit happens. Deal with it, your make your own dinner.
10.) If you don't tip a server because of something that went wrong in the kitchen or was otherwise out of the server's control - you should be euthanized, and have no business being in public.
11.) When a server comes to your table, please pause your conversation and allow me to quickly take your order. It is NOT my job to stand around and wait for your relief society to finish so I can get your drinks started. On that same note - if you are sat and on the cell phone, I will not greet the table or take your order until you are off your cell phone, period.
12.) When a server walks to the table and starts to introduce themselves and say their name - DO NOT interrupt and bark out your order before I can even say my name. I am NOT some subservient errand bitch to take orders at your command. You will have proper manners and treat me like a person or you will get just the bare minimum of service required to follow the guidelines of doing my job. I will go out of my way to do nothing nice for you.
13.) This one isn't as bad, but still annoying. Don't ever ask a server "is this good?". Duh. Restaurants make menus of EVERYTHING they think is good, with a variety of items for different tastes for different people. Restaurants never have a "tastes like shit" section on a menu. Common sense. This is all a matter of opinion and taste. Always feel free to ask a server for recommendations or what we like on the menu but please spare the stupid questions.
14.) If you want a drink refill, ask me. DO NOT shake a glass at me without even making eye contact. I'm not a mind reader and I'm not deaf. Use your big boy words.
15.) If you are on a large party of 8 or more - some things you should consider. Large party service is difficult, so a few minor things to help makes life simpler for everybody. If you are doing split checks, that is fine - BUT NO MUSICAL CHAIRS. One your order is placed, your bill is tracked based on where you are sitting. If you move around - everything is screwed up and it could take forever to cash you out. If there are a few separate checks with a few people on each, no problem - its very simple. Please just try and sit in groups or clusters. Always helps. When your servers greet the table - please stop and listen, we will not talk over you. I will stop and wait for you to finish.
I've vented enough for now - but sadly enough, I could go on.
Please remember, if you can't follow these guidelines, don't go into public. Or at least stay to what's better suited to your needs. You can always have it your way at Burger King, AND you don't have to tip!
xoxo
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